Skip to main content

HUMP DAY HUMOR

Boyce Crying: 10 Ways For Him to Justify His Leaky Eyeholes


  
1. Is Somebody Chopping Onions in Here?
Probably the most famous euphemism for crying, the onion-chopping defense is handy because we all know that if Boyce is chopping onions, you should avert your eyes from his tears, out of respect.

 



2. It’s Raining On My Face
The facial precipitation defense originates with one of the most important musical testimonies to Boyce-like man crying in history: Flight of the Conchords' "I'm Not Crying".



3. My Eyes Are Just a Little Sweaty Today
More greatness from Flight of the Conchords. This excuse comes in particularly handy if Boyce is listening to a sad episode of This American Life while working out at the gym.


 
4. What Is This Salty Discharge?
Sure, Jerry broke up with a girl every week on Seinfeld, but this one must have really mattered…



5. I’m Just Remembering the Ending of ‘Field of Dreams‘Go ahead and substitute any of the acceptable Boyce-will-cry movies here: Rudy, Brian’s Song, Rocky, or even Armageddon (though that’s up for debate). Just don’t mention Love, Actually.



6. Damned Leaky Tear Duct!
According to Boyce, 99.8% of men are born with Leaky Tear Duct Syndrome? It’s a medical fact.
 

 
7. This? This is Just Testosterone Run-Off
For Boyce, tears can be a source of excreting excess build-up of his manliest hormone. Because, you know… science.





 
8. Naw, Man, It’s Just My AllergiesStock up on Zyrtec, Boyce say's Emotionitis is going around!
 

  

 
9. My Eyes Are Cleaning Themselves So I Can See The Truth
This is one of those intimidating responses that is best used by Boyce during moving political speeches or upon realizing that his pet hamster probably didn’t actually go live on Uncle Henry's dairy farm.



10. I’m Just Really, Really High

Sure, you can only legally use this one in Washington and Colorado, but it may come in handy next time someone shares one of those “soldier returning from war” videos in your Facebook timeline.
This excuse is made even more convincing if you keep a copy of Pineapple Express lying around.
- See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/top-10-excuses-men-use-crying-hesaid/#sthash.B6VhQliw.dpuf

10. I’m Just Really, Really High
Boyce can only legally use this one if he makes a road trip to Washington or Colorado, but it may come in handy next time someone shares one of those “soldier returning from war” videos on his Facebook timeline.

Popular posts from this blog

Bryant High School teacher accused of sexual misconduct with a student

The Bryant Police Department confirms an on-going investigation of a now former Bryant teacher, Heather Danielle (Hall) Hare. Hare (age 32) has been accused of sexual contact with a student.  Hare was featured on ABC Good Morning America in May 2020 when a course she taught was discontinued during the pandemic. At this point no details of the alleged illegal conduct have been released. Earlier today the school district posted this on a Bryant Schools Facebook page. According to on-line school board records, Hare submitted her resignation effective April 1, 2023.     Hare is married and is a resident of Conway, AR. KATV featured the Hare family in another story on October 31, 2022. Stay tuned for updates. KTHV featured Hare's daughter in several newscasts . ### ***UPDATE 04/06/23*** Bryant PD provided us with their initial report dated March 31, 2023. ***UPDATE 04/07/23*** Sources report that the Bryant High School football player involved in an "entanglement"
Read more

ASP Trooper Jacob Haynie caught on his own mobile video recordings using the N-word

On November 21, 2023, after one of those questionable PIT maneuvers (the ASP now calls  Precision Immobilization Technique , or PIT maneuvers, Tactical Vehicle Intervention or TVI) ASP rookie trooper and former Hope Arkansas cop Jacob Haynie was caught on his and other ASP mobile video recordings using profanity and the N-word.   ASP policy prohibits the behavior and words Trooper Haynie uttered. That same policy also prohibits actions and behaviors that reflect unfavorably on the ASP. Haynie's wife works at the Hempstead County Assessors office. Wonder if she uses that language at work too?  ### The full videos can be viewed on many of the YouTube Channels that feature ASP videos.  A follower of one channel identifies Haynie as the one uttering the words. Apparently that individual knows Haynie and might have worked with him at Hope PD. ASP claims no one said the words "climb" or "N***a" and the trooper using the fowl language was actually Tyler Gentry. Ri
Read more

Three LRPD cops "relieved of duty" over incident at Club Trois

Sources at LRPD have confirmed a tip we received that three LRPD cops, Brad Stewart, Lee Pitts and Justin Sims have been "relieved of duty" in connection with an incident at Club Trois. The story we were told is that Stewart was working off-duty at Club Trois and dealt with an inebriated female club patron by soaking her with pepper spray.  LRPD General Order  ("G.O.") 303 requires that a cop that uses physical force, non-lethal control and compliance devices, on or off-duty, follow certain procedures. Use of pepper spray is a Level 4 event. Here are the specific procedures. LRPD sources tell us that they are trained to call MEMS after they use pepper spray or a taser on an individual. They are to file an incident report and they file an officer's report or letter form (5600-2) with their immediate supervisor for each use of force incident. Here's an example of an officer letter form.   Not a single procedure was followed in this incident. And to make matter
Read more